I have heard tons of negative stuff about Zumanity over the last couple of years. So of course, I had to see it. I’m weird like that. I sometimes get up extra-early just to watch infomercials. They are my favorite shows. But I digress.

I obtained “Front Row” tickets to Zumanity last night.

I put the “front row” in quotation marks because the seats sucked. Really badly. I thought $110 front row seats would be good, but they were front row to the far right, and due to the jutted-out stage, I was actually BEHIND the action for most of the show. And even then I could not watch half of the show from behind, because the spotlights would shine directly in my eyes since they were aimed at the performers …. who I was behind.

If you see this show, you need to make sure you get IN FRONT of the big circular part of the runway part of the stage. Even if it is several rows back. It is better than having very close seats on the side.

Because of my location, I was also left out of all of the audience participation aspects of the show, which people with cheaper seats got to enjoy.

You take your seat about a half an hour before the show, and about 15 minutes before it starts, some of the performers start to come out. Two fat ladies bearing strawberries come out, and they roam through the audience handing out strawberries. But not to me. I was the redheaded stepchild in the corner. The characters were roaming around only the center area, and I had no idea what they were saying to the other patrons. So for me, this initial part of the show was a real letdown, as they concentrated on one section only. And ignored two whole sections of very expensive seats.

Then the official show started, and a drag queen came onstage as the M.C. She/he made some sexual innuendo jokes, and then out from the center of the stage came a giant fishbowl. The fishbowl contained two nearly-naked lesbian acrobats. Now my interest was piqued. These girls were doing stunts in the fishbowl while groping each other. Sweet. That was pretty much the highlight of the show. I was able to enjoy this because it was in a sphere, and I could see it just fine.

They did some circus stunts, some comedy skits, and some contortionist stunts, and many of them were good, but I was watching them from behind and did not always get the full effect. They were playing to the crowd directly in front of the circular part of the stage.

Performers would go out into the crowd, ask people questions, and bring some folks up on stage, but they were all from one section. Seriously, with the level of interaction I got, I might as well have been watching this thing on TV. For crying out loud, I should have sprung for the cheap seats. I got the most expensive tickets available, and this “audience participation” show never even came close to us.

When I wasn’t getting blinded by the spotlights or craning my neck to see what was going on, I saw some faux-naked women, faux-naked really fat women, some boobs, some ass cheeks, and a midget. By faux-naked I mean that the women were topless, but wear skin-colored leotards on the bottom with fabric pubic hair. This gives the illusion of nudity, but they are not nude.

There were plenty of dildo jokes, lots of comments intended to shock (and probably would have if it were 1955), two men kissed, two women kissed, a lady pretended to masturbate while suspending herself from the ceiling by ropes … you get the picture.

There were some stripteases interspersed with the acrobatics, and some folks were called onstage to participate in some of the skits. Were they actually tourists, or were they shills? It was really hard to tell.

Las Vegas shows have really started overusing the “audience shill” technique, and what this has done is made me skeptical every time they pull someone out of the audience. Is it live, or Memorex? I dunno.

The stuff they did to these people would have been pretty funny if they were not shills (blindfolding a guy and pretending to throw knives at a balloon below his nuts) … but he just didn’t seem scared enough to be real.

And the old couple that has been married for 35 years at the end is very touching … except that I have been told by others that this same, or similar couple is called onstage for every show. DOH!

I also wish that shows in general would knock off the strobe lights. Strobe lights were cool in 1970. so were 8 track tapes. Strobe lights are annoying now and alienate people who may be seizure-prone for an effect that is completely irrelevant to the show. They are known to trigger seizures and migraines, but every show still HAS to use them. And they add NOTHING to the show. Zip, zilch, nada. What is the Vegas fascination with strobe lights? I have no clue. But I wish they would get over it.

Like I said, I could not really enjoy half of the show due to my expensive, front row, yet practically useless seats.

Had I known that they played to the audience only forward of the circle, I would have gotten completely different seats. Whatever you do, ONLY accept seats in section 102 or section 103 (I was in section 104). If you get seats in any other section besides 102 or 103, then the performers will not play to you … or even acknowledge you.

If you get seats in any other section, you will be wasting your time and money, IMHO.

This show has potential, and it is one of those “only in Las Vegas” shows. They could not take this show to Broadway like they could with most Cirque shows … so it may be worth seeing if only for the fact that it is a purely “Vegas” Cirque show. You’ll likely never see anything like it anywhere else.

But the seats to this show make all the difference, and for $110, frankly I feel ripped off.

If I am going to be behind the performers with lights shining in my eyes, then those seats should be sold for $20.

I may go back and see the show again if I can get half-priced seats in the 102 or 103 sections. I am certain that it would be much more enjoyable.

But from the spot that I observed the show, I can only give it a 3 on a scale of 10. And my neck is still sore from looking up and left for 90 minutes.