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The Man in the Space Needle Reflection

Space Needle Reflection

I took these photos on Friday evening, and while “developing” them today, I noticed something odd.

Now, it may be the weird mushroom I found in my omelette this morning, but I see a face in the photo below.  It looks kind of like a chimpanzee with a big nose, or perhaps an ancient Aztec warrior made of stone … or maybe … just maybe … if you tilt your head just right … Sticky Fingaz from Onyx.

Frankly, I don’t know who/what it is, or what it may want, but I do know one thing, and that’s how to

Continue reading The Man in the Space Needle Reflection

Pussy Destroyer?

Pussy Destroyer

Oh no, my friends.

No, no.

What you are looking at is not a Pussy Destroyer.

What you currently have fixated within your gaze …

Is a Pussy Obliterator.

Once those fine-ass threads hit the floor, it’s all over.

Boom, bap, poof, it’s gone.

“Where’d my baby-maker go?”, you’ll wonder, but it will be too late. All that will be left for you to do, is pick up the phone, call your mother, and say “Sorry, Mom, but you’ll never be a grandmother like I promised … I’ve been the victim of the Pussy Obliterator”.

You have been warned.

Continue reading Pussy Destroyer?

Little-Known Music Fact

Robert Plant

When Robert Plant wrote the song “Whole Lotta Love” in 1969, where he sang:

“I’m gonna give you every inch of my love”

What people didn’t realize then, but what musical historians have since uncovered through numerous interviews, as well as linguistic research, is that what Robert was referring to was, in fact, his penis.

Coming up: Seattle Rex takes you back to 1977 and the Kiss classic “Love Gun”, where he reveals the surprising details behind its true meaning.

Continue reading Little-Known Music Fact

Power From the People

Electricity Thief on 7th Avenue

How small must his heart be to steal power from Christmas lights?

That’s right, homelice here was out of power for his phone/mp3 player, so he stopped to charge it from an outlet on the Christmas lights.

Is nothing sacred?

Does the spirit of Christmas mean nothing any more?

We’re supposed to be giving this time of year, not taking, yet here this guy is, taking power away from the people.  That money could be used to buy enemas for baby kittens or some shit, but does he care?

Not at all.

Fine, we’re talking pennies in power here,

Continue reading Power From the People

Gone But Not Forgotten

Layne Staley and Mike Starr Sign at 8th & Olive - Howell

Still loved after all these years, eh fellas?

This sign has been taped to a pole in the 8th & Olive/Howell triangle for about 2 weeks now.

 

Know What Else Is Expensive?

spd_says_protests_are_expensive

Oh Noes!!!!

$462, 000??????

$150,000?????

$100,000?????

Good grief, that’s expensive!  How much are we paying these cops anyway???!!!!!  Has anyone looked into the payroll over at SPD Headquarters???

Until they do, I wish you assholes would stop protesting because this shit is getting way to expen ….

shit

 

Face it, Seattle.  Protests or no protests, we’re getting fleeced by the SPD, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.

It begs the question …

What’s more expensive?

Occupied police officers, or idle police officers?

As much as I’ve been critical of the Ferguson

Continue reading Know What Else Is Expensive?

Was it Something I Said?

Figgy Protest Cancelled

Word on the street has it that, once it was pointed out to him that homeless and elderly people were slightly stronger, and thus slightly better able to defend themselves, than a children’s choir … Mo Better Blues Hawk wanted nothing to do with tonight’s event.

I’d say it was a solid decision.

Well done, toddlers.

For once.

Fixed it For You!

Phony Revolutionaries

You know, people say I’m not helpful, but I just don’t see it.

I spotted this message on Pike Street the other day, and not only did I give it a wider-audience,  I also made it factually-accurate.

Does that sound unhelpful to you?

Sound Community Bank Helps You Kick the Shit Out of Geese

Simply Seattle Poster

Oh, and they also simplify business banking.

I ran across this poster on 5th Avenue last week, and it really piqued my curiosity.

See, I don’t know why one would want to run through Gas Works Park, kicking the shit out of Canadian Geese.

Hold on …

Wait …

Wait a minute …

Wait just a minute …

Yes …

Yes I do …

Yes I do know why one would would want to do such a thing …

Remember this from a couple of years back?

http://www.seattlerex.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/canadians_invade_seattle-seattlerex.mp4

Well, alright.

It’s settled, then.

I’m opening an account at Sound Community

Continue reading Sound Community Bank Helps You Kick the Shit Out of Geese

Happy Thanksgiving!

Turkey Fucker

I thought this video was appropriate for the occasion.

God Bless Us Everyone.

Fuck You Dave

Dave Grohl Hates the Working Class

Hey Dave, thanks a lot.

Thanks for selling tickets to a surprise show at 3pm on a workday.

As a 45 year-old dude with a lot of non-famous friends, one would think you’d be wise to the realities of the post-great-recession American man.  You know, those tragically unhip hate-targets who bust their asses to support families, and probably represent far more of your fanbase than the current crop of staycation Seattleites, doggy daddies, trust funders, and perpetual students.

Despite this, they’re not even worthy of a fair shot at a couple of show tickets?

Really?

Well, alright then. I guess

Continue reading Fuck You Dave

Everybody Reads Seattle Rex

Masala Grill and Bar - Sign Fixed

Proud to Be an Amarican

Masala Grill and Bar on Pike Street

Meet Pike Street’s newest grill.  And bar.

Masala Grill & Bar will soon open at Pike & 9th, and they promise to offer a cuisine few people have sampled.

I was going to speculate about how their new sign could have been made without anyone … without a single person … catching the obvious misspelling of our country’s name.

For once, however, I have nothing.

 

Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

8th and Pine Hilton Lights

Hilton’s latest property has been illuminated on the corner of 8th & Pine.

I don’t want to say that it looks out of place, but, well, judge for yourself.  Keep in mind that this is the bottom few floors of a 500′-ish, 40+ floor tower.

Honestly, it doesn’t look bad … I’ve walked past it the past few evenings, and it’s growing on me. Dare I say, it even looks pretty cool.  Located across the street from the historic Paramount Theater, however, it just looks out of place.

The price of progress I guess.

Continue reading Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

Dear Sweet Leaping Mother of Jesus the Jew

Fuck! What The Fuck? What the Bloody Fuck?

What the?

What the fuck did I just see?

What the fuck did I just see?

What the fuck did I just see?

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck was that?

What the fuck was that supposed to be?

Why?

Why?

Who?

Why?

What the fuck was that?

It was like, a 3-headed gila monster or something.

It was like some three-headed creature from the depths of hell. It had three heads, and they were all weird. Like, bad-acid-at-work weird.  Like getting a random erection while watching Pokemon weird.  Like, stoned and suddenly having to poop, but

Continue reading Dear Sweet Leaping Mother of Jesus the Jew

Yeah Right

Lesbian Ben Bridge Commercial 2

So, a friend of mine was watching Hulu about an hour ago, when a commercial for Ben Bridge Jeweler came on.

“That’s weird”, she thought,” why is a mother giving jewelry to her adult daughter … no wait, that’s two sisters … no wait … ohhhhhhh … I see … they’re domestic partners … I mean husband and wife … I mean wife and wife … fuck it, they’re muff divers.  At least they’re supposed to be in the commercial.”

Ah yes, let the exploitation of gay marriage commence.

You know, it’s interesting, in 2008, Barack Obama came out opposed to

Continue reading Yeah Right

Get Your Hoe Ready

Daylight Savings Hoe

 

Yes, it’s that time of year again.

The time of year when a man grabs his hoe, throws ‘er over his shoulder, heads outside, and repeatedly slams that hoe into the ground for the betterment of his family and indeed, society.

Wait, oh, Daylight Savings Time just ended.

Never mind.

Don’t touch your hoe for the next 4 months, but then … well … you know the drill.

A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

Quirky White Girl

What is that?

That …

That thing over there …

See it?  Do you see it?

Right there, that thing in the water …

It’s a white woman on a surf board striking some strange look-at-me-no-don’t-look-at-me-you-creep-no-really-look-at-me pose …

Wait … is it, could it be … oh my God, it is, I can’t believe my eyes …

It’s a quirky white girl!  In Seattle no less! IT’S A QUIRKY WHITE GIRL IN SEATTLE!  And I actually have my camera on me!  Can you believe my luck?!!

While this may not sound like a big deal, a little perspective in

Continue reading A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

You’re Welcome?

Can't Have Nice Things Screenshot

On June 10th, 2013, I posted the following:

http://www.seattlerex.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/

 

Since that time, graffiti has appeared all over Seattle with the following message:

Coincidence?

Maybe, but the timing of it all is a little odd.  There is an older cat meme with the phrase, but I can’t find another example in search engines using: “can’t have nice things” +graffiti .

Perhaps it’s the same kind of “coincidence” as the tourism bureau’s “Only in Seattle” campaign that was borne after I’d spent a month titling posts with that line, or the local news outrage over the new parking meter failures,

Continue reading You’re Welcome?

Club Z’s New Slogan

Club Z

“You won’t walk right for days. We guarantee it.”

Pictured here is another satisfied customer. If you know what I mean.

 

The Passive-Aggressive Vandal

Passive-Aggressive Love

Ahhh, young newcomer love.  Our vandal here is so new to the city, that he/she has yet to realize that, once she feels inclined to do something else, Laura has no intention of “saying” anything.  That’s much too confrontational, not to mention, scary, what with mom back home in Twin Falls and all.

Better learn to take the hint, because a hint is all you’re ever going to get.  That’s what happens when you grow up having “playdates”, where every interaction with other people is governed by the watchful eye of a parental unit.  When it was time to go, the departure was

Continue reading The Passive-Aggressive Vandal

Real Niggaz Smoke Crack

Smoking Crack in Seattle

Alright ya pussies, you got marijuana legalized, but weed is for children. Amateurs. Precious suburban kids who, months prior, were sniffing glue.  That’s why it was legalized.  The suburban white people of the State of Washington just couldn’t in good conscience keep arresting suburban white kids.  If the decision to legalize it was purely ethics-based, they would have legalized all drugs.

Yes, pot is about as white suburban as a drug can be.  I know, I know, your favorite studio gangsta talks about smoking indo all the time, and you think it’s badass.

No, no wait … aren’t the G’s

Continue reading Real Niggaz Smoke Crack

Soundgarden Kickoff?

Soundgarden Kickoff 9-4-2014

Apparently Soundgarden is playing during the NFL’s Xbox Verizon kickoff on September 4th.

I’m not quite sure what this means, but the pigeons seem to like it.

I hope to figure this all out before the appointed date.

 

Another Dispatch from Western Civilization’s Decline

Head Up Ass

This is a fascinating time in American history.  We’re actually watching a culture commit suicide before our very eyes.

The hypocritical speech codes which ensure that only corporate-approved speech can be uttered over public airwaves, as the people who claim to support free speech stand around chanting “It’s not the government restricting speech, it’s the corporations!” … oblivious to the realization that they are one and the same, but not really caring because one-sided have already been passed prohibiting said corporations from restricting their free speech. (how’s that for a run-on sentence?)

Case in point, ESPN has suspended its third host

Continue reading Another Dispatch from Western Civilization’s Decline

You Might Be From The Suburbs …

Please Dont Ticket Car

 

Seattle.  A city comprised of 600,000 transplanted suburbanites. More passive-aggressive notes per square mile than all other cities in the USA combined.

I encountered the above notes today while walking on the same block.  The same block!

*sigh*

It looks like it’s time for another installment of “Seattle Rex’s Suburbanite Education Series”.  This one will be brief.

Dear Neighbors from Outer Culdesacia, I have a few tips to make your staycation more enjoyable, not just for yourself, but for everyone.

One note is passive-aggressive.  Two notes is obsessive-compulsive.  That was a comment, not a tip.  Here we

Continue reading You Might Be From The Suburbs …

Daily Dose of Awesomeness

Dominique Young Throw it Down Screenshot

You’re welcome.

Am I Crazy or is God Giving Seattle the Finger?

Cloud flipping off Downtown Seattle

Shit Seattleites Say

Shit Seattleites Say

What’s Long and Hard and Filled With Seamen?

Submarine in the Puget Sound

 

During my evening commute, while still in the middle of the sound, I felt the captain throw the ferry into reverse thrust.  When I looked out of the window to see what was going on, I spotted what looked like a gigantic whale.  I gathered my things and headed to the bow of the boat, and when I got there, I noticed that the “whale” was in fact a submarine.

I’ve spent hundreds of hours on the Puget Sound, and I’ve seen thousands of different vessels on that body of water, but this was a first for

Continue reading What’s Long and Hard and Filled With Seamen?

“You Geese Don’t Look Like You’re From Around Here”

Seattle Police Boat in Lake Union

“If you ask me, you look like a couple of them ‘Canadian’ geese.”

I took this photo moments before they got taken in for obstruction.