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Proud to Be an Amarican

Masala Grill and Bar on Pike Street

Meet Pike Street’s newest grill.  And bar.

Masala Grill & Bar will soon open at Pike & 9th, and they promise to offer a cuisine few people have sampled.

I was going to speculate about how their new sign could have been made without anyone … without a single person … catching the obvious misspelling of our country’s name.

For once, however, I have nothing.

 

Same Difference

Dog and Kid in Their Respective Daycares

Doggie Daycare.

Kiddie Daycare.

Same street, same day, one block apart, one blink and you can’t tell which is which.

The fate of kids and canines look remarkably similar these days.  Both species wistfully gaze out of the street-level glass cages in which they are dropped off each morning, eagerly awaiting the return of the human who calls itself “mommy” or “daddy”.

It begs the question … have we begun treating dogs like kids, or kids like dogs?

“What’s the difference?”, most Generation Y’ers would ask, and that’s where scenes like those above start making perfect sense.

When an entire generation equates pet

Continue reading Same Difference

That Quirky Portland

Portland is Now

Portland.   A place so pretentious, that people come to Seattle for authenticity.

Portland used to be cool.  Then, as the wage gap widened over the past decade, the offspring of the wealthy moved in, kicked the cool out, and before you knew it, the town was flooded with vinegar and water.

Now, you can’t walk down a Portland street without being beaten over the head by manufactured quirkiness.

“Look everyone, that guy is riding a unicycle, isn’t he quirky?”

“Look everyone, that girl has a donut-sized ear piercing, isn’t she quirky?”

Call me crazy, but Portland was way more quirky

Continue reading That Quirky Portland

Monorail Shots

Monorail and Westin Towers

I took a few monorail shots this weekend.  Some of them are on this page.  Some of them aren’t.  Here are the ones that are.

Trains are buses for white people.

Monorails are trains for tourists.

Cutting right through the heart of Belltown and Midtown, as tourist’s trains go, Seattle’s is by far the coolest in the world.

At $2.25 each way, with no round-trip discount, it’s also the most profitable.

 

Continue reading Monorail Shots

Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

8th and Pine Hilton Lights

Hilton’s latest property has been illuminated on the corner of 8th & Pine.

I don’t want to say that it looks out of place, but, well, judge for yourself.  Keep in mind that this is the bottom few floors of a 500′-ish, 40+ floor tower.

Honestly, it doesn’t look bad … I’ve walked past it the past few evenings, and it’s growing on me. Dare I say, it even looks pretty cool.  Located across the street from the historic Paramount Theater, however, it just looks out of place.

The price of progress I guess.

Continue reading Planet Hollywood Comes to Seattle

Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014

Rex1410-0693-Halloween_Capitol_Hill_2014--©SeattleRex

I’m happy to report that the First Annual Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night was a rousing success.  It was so successful, in fact, that the organizers have decided to host a Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night each and every year, at the same exact place, 3928 1st Avenue S, Seattle WA 98134.

To those of you arriving by search engine over the next 12 months, let me ask you a question … don’t these pictures look fun?

Of course they look fun!  Fun is what Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night is all about.

If you missed SSHFN this year, you have a good excuse.

Continue reading Scenes From Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014

Shooting Fish in a Barrell

HOV Lane Violator

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Seattle could easily be the richest city in the world.  Since everyone more or less agrees that we have the world’s worst drivers, and since they’re not leaving anytime soon, all we’d ever need revenue-wise, is to ticket said shitty drivers.

It would be like printing money.

Let me say that again.

IT WOULD LITERALLY BE LIKE PRINTING MONEY!

Well, somebody in City Hall must have heard me, because for the past week, local law enforcement agencies have been on a mission.   Everywhere I look, cops are pulling

Continue reading Shooting Fish in a Barrell

Breakin’, Boogaloo Shrimp, White People, and Hip-Hop History at EMP

Boogaloo Shrimp at EMP

From a musical perspective, I’ve lived through interesting times.  Although I was but a child during some of them, I’ve been alive to witness the birth, or early years at the very least, of such diverse genres as heavy metal, progressive rock, funk, glam, disco, punk, hardcore punk, hip-hop, new wave, electronic, house, dubstep, trip-hop, noise/grunge/alternative, and whatever the fuck the last 15 years have given us (shit?).

I’ve witnessed the rise of a few of these genres first-hand, most notably hip-hop, hardcore punk, alt/”grunge”, and a regional music genre known as “Go-Go”.  The latter is a genre which

Continue reading Breakin’, Boogaloo Shrimp, White People, and Hip-Hop History at EMP

Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

Halloween on Capitol Hill

Kids of all ages stay for free @ 3928 1ST AVENUE S, SEATTLE WA 98134

You know, it can suck being the most popular blogger on the Internet.

Okay, the most popular blogger in Seattle.

Alright, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle.

Fine, the most popular blogger named Rex in Seattle who routinely nails your mother doggy-style while drinking the boiled urine of a three-toed sloth.

Happy?

Even though I’m not Mr. Popularity (probably because I claim to fuck everyone’s mother all the time), millions of people annually still find their way to my website for one reason

Continue reading Super Seattle Halloween Fun Night 2014!!!

A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

Quirky White Girl

What is that?

That …

That thing over there …

See it?  Do you see it?

Right there, that thing in the water …

It’s a white woman on a surf board striking some strange look-at-me-no-don’t-look-at-me-you-creep-no-really-look-at-me pose …

Wait … is it, could it be … oh my God, it is, I can’t believe my eyes …

It’s a quirky white girl!  In Seattle no less! IT’S A QUIRKY WHITE GIRL IN SEATTLE!  And I actually have my camera on me!  Can you believe my luck?!!

While this may not sound like a big deal, a little perspective in

Continue reading A Rare Quirky White Girl Sighting

You’re Welcome?

Can't Have Nice Things Screenshot

On June 10th, 2013, I posted the following:

http://www.seattlerex.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/

 

Since that time, graffiti has appeared all over Seattle with the following message:

Coincidence?

Maybe, but the timing of it all is a little odd.  There is an older cat meme with the phrase, but I can’t find another example in search engines using: “can’t have nice things” +graffiti .

Perhaps it’s the same kind of “coincidence” as the tourism bureau’s “Only in Seattle” campaign that was borne after I’d spent a month titling posts with that line, or the local news outrage over the new parking meter failures,

Continue reading You’re Welcome?

Club Z’s New Slogan

Club Z

“You won’t walk right for days. We guarantee it.”

Pictured here is another satisfied customer. If you know what I mean.

 

They Say The Neon Lights are Bright

Broadway Rite Aid

On Broad … way!

Most people think the song was written about New York City, but this is a myth.

It was actually written about Seattle, when George Benson played the Paramount Theater in 1978, and came down with a massive case of the squirts.

During his first performance, his sphincter gave way, and he ended up projectile shitting on a woman in the front row. Fearing that it might happen again, Benson made his way to the Rite Aid at Broadway & John for a bottle of Immodium AD.

The rest, as they say, is history*.

I took

Continue reading They Say The Neon Lights are Bright

Bitches Be Crazy

Crazy Woman

Women are to Seattle what cows are to India.

Sound weird? Offensive even?

I know it does. Hear me out, though.

On Thursday night, I ran a quick errand on foot, then walked east on Pike Street. I walked, as I have since childhood, on the right side of the sidewalk.

If you were an urban child from the USA, then this no doubt is what you learned to do as soon as you learned to walk. It’s what my own kids learned as soon as they learned to walk, along with: stand to the right side on escalators,

Continue reading Bitches Be Crazy

Sky City

Lunar Orbiter Ice Cream in the Space Needle Resturant

I’ve got this thing where I want to eat at every restaurant in Rexville Seattle (basically the extended boundaries of my neighborhood), regardless of cuisine, price, or quality.  I’ve been talking about doing this for years, which means I’ll never actually do it, but we all need goals.  Were it not for goals, I never would have snorted an eight of meth in an Aurora Avenue motel room while being blown by an ambiguously gendered prostitute.  Setting the goal is always the first step toward completion.

 

In furtherance of said goal, last night, I chose the Space

Continue reading Sky City

How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Gourmet Caramel Apple

I just finished my first 2 week vacation in roughly 10 years, and like pretty much all of my “vacations”, I spent the duration of it in my hometown.

You see, I never really understood the notion of leaving home on one’s time off.  It’s almost as if one is escaping where they live, but for my part, I’d never live anywhere I didn’t want to spend my free time.  Furthermore, I always thought it was kind of shitty to take one’s disposable income out of town to spend in some other jurisdiction.  I mean, why help someone else’s economy

Continue reading How You Gonna Be Mad on Vacation?

Amazon Moves Up

Amazon Tower Under Construction

Dominating the view down Westlake Avenue, Amazon’s new tower looks like it’s going to be quite a beast.

What a difference a year makes (September 2013):

The Passive-Aggressive Vandal

Passive-Aggressive Love

Ahhh, young newcomer love.  Our vandal here is so new to the city, that he/she has yet to realize that, once she feels inclined to do something else, Laura has no intention of “saying” anything.  That’s much too confrontational, not to mention, scary, what with mom back home in Twin Falls and all.

Better learn to take the hint, because a hint is all you’re ever going to get.  That’s what happens when you grow up having “playdates”, where every interaction with other people is governed by the watchful eye of a parental unit.  When it was time to go, the departure was

Continue reading The Passive-Aggressive Vandal

The 5 Point vs. Tom Morello: It’s a Draw

Seattle Customer Service

I was almost brought to tears of laughter reading this one. Almost.

I present the following article for your reading pleasure, straight from Blabbermouth @ http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/tom-morello-slams-seattle-restaurant-after-being-denied-service/

It seems that Tom Morello, RATM and Audioslave guitarist admired and respected by damn near everyone (including yours truly), dropped by the 5 Point Cafe last Friday night, and encountered our world-renowned Seattle service.

Apparently, he and his friends tried to get a table, and apparently, the bouncer turned them away.  The manner in which this all happened is your traditional he-said, she-said, and this being 2014, it all played out on anti-social media.

Tom

Continue reading The 5 Point vs. Tom Morello: It’s a Draw

Nuclear Sunset

Nuclear Sunset

“What the fuck is that?” is not my usual refrain when I look out the window during sunset, but on this day it made sense.

At first, I thought Bainbridge Island had been nuked, but then I realized that nuking Bainbridge Island would actually improve the place, so why would anyone waste a nuclear warhead on it?

Am I right or am I right?

As it turned out, it was just a weird optical illusion caused by the clouds, the sun, and a metric assload of pollution caused by famously “green” Washingtonians.

“Everyone else but me is using too

Continue reading Nuclear Sunset

Hating the Alien

Bauhaus Block Construction

I passed the Bauhaus block today, and while passing by, I couldn’t help but note the irony.

Newcomers move to Capitol Hill because of places like Bauhaus.  Yet, by moving here, they dramatically increase the odds of places like Bauhaus going away.  This part of the city has officially reached a point where, in order to absorb more people, existing things have to be traded away.

It’s easy to sort of dismiss anti-growth neighborhood residents as misguided curmudgeons, but there is a very real tradeoff being made these days.  The city is undergoing a rapid transformation, and unless the transplant brings

Continue reading Hating the Alien

The Jump

Jump in Progress

It’s a Seattle right of passage.

The bridge in South Lake Union Park.

Cherries popped in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …

 

Continue reading The Jump

Real Niggaz Smoke Crack

Smoking Crack in Seattle

Alright ya pussies, you got marijuana legalized, but weed is for children. Amateurs. Precious suburban kids who, months prior, were sniffing glue.  That’s why it was legalized.  The suburban white people of the State of Washington just couldn’t in good conscience keep arresting suburban white kids.  If the decision to legalize it was purely ethics-based, they would have legalized all drugs.

Yes, pot is about as white suburban as a drug can be.  I know, I know, your favorite studio gangsta talks about smoking indo all the time, and you think it’s badass.

No, no wait … aren’t the G’s

Continue reading Real Niggaz Smoke Crack

A Day at the Fashion Show

No Pipeline

They’re mad as hell and they’re not, well, okay, they’ll keep taking it, but they’re soo gonna make some more signs.

Ah, climate change. Single-most fashionable cause of the last decade. It’s still going strong, and unlike that “human trafficking” thing that Ashton and Demi got white people worked up about a few years ago, shows no sign of fading out.

By the way, did you ever notice that black people don’t seem to care about global warming?

Hispanics either.

In fact, it’s sort of intriguing, but much like those other periodic causes, the aforementioned “human trafficking”, “girl’s self-esteem”,

Continue reading A Day at the Fashion Show

A Duck

Ducks Diving in South Lake Union

 

Just because.

The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Wrong-Way Seattle Driver

I could start, author, and maintain an entire blog about shitty Seattle-tourist drivers, and have enough material for multiple articles daily. Hell, sometimes it feels like that’s exactly what I’m doing now.

It’s difficult to explain to non-Seattleites why the topic of our drivers is such a passionate topic.  You just sort of have to live here to understand.

The photos on this page are courtesy of a friend of mine that lives on Bainbridge Island.  One of his family members is in Harborview, which means that for the past week, he’s had to commute back and forth through Downtown

Continue reading The Strongest Swimmer Takes a Spin

Better Late Than Never

2nd Avenue Bike Lane

The 2nd Avenue Bike Lanes arrived last week, and so far, from what I’ve seen, they’re getting decent usage.  Especially for being so new.

It’s just too bad another cyclist had to die before they appeared.

A couple of years ago, when Mike McGinn proposed putting more bicycle lanes on Seattle streets, news website comment sections erupted with anger.  People who don’t live in Seattle, and almost exclusively people who don’t live in Seattle, feel very strongly about Seattle having bike lanes.

“If they paint more bike lanes, that’s it!  I’m not going to Seattle anymore!”,

Continue reading Better Late Than Never

Pollution Makes The Nicest Sunsets

Sunset - September 15 2014

Crane City

Construction Cranes from SLU Park

I’ve been around the block a few times, but I can say without exaggeration, that I have never in my life seen as much construction as I have seen in Seattle, Washington in 2014.

Look left, there are cranes.  Look right, there are cranes.  Look at the Space Needle, cranes.  The mountains, cranes.  Cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes, cranes.  When one disappears, two more take its place.  It’s overwhelming. It’s absolutely incredible.

What does it mean for Seattleites, though?

Is this crane business good?  Is it bad?

It depends on who you are.  I’m less than thrilled

Continue reading Crane City

First Hill’s Panorama House Is Owned By Assholes

Panorama House Via Google Maps

Seattle.  The world’s largest Monopoly board. Magnet for every greedy real estate developer in the good old US of A.

“Well, that’s the price of progress, Rex. It’s a free market.”

Yeah, the “capitalist” mantra.  That is, until it’s time for the little guy to bail out the banks that make the loans for these properties.  We only care about capitalism when it’s time for the tenant to get her cut.  Rent control is evil only when it’s time to pay the people back.

In any event, bend over, First Hill, this one’s going to hurt a little.  It’s time

Continue reading First Hill’s Panorama House Is Owned By Assholes