Hey, I think Las Vegas should host every Monday Night Football game in Las Vegas as well as the Superbowl every year.

I’m just throwing that out there for people to chew on.

I also think the magic unicorns copulating on top of the Stratosphere should share some of their magic pixie dust with the singing leprechaun driving a jet-powered gondola through the Canal Shoppes in the MGM Grand.

Just throwing that out there too.

Oh hell, as long as we are just throwing things out there, I also propose these things:

1) All supermodels will fly into Las Vegas on the 2nd Thursday of every month to fellatiate me.

2) Tourists will stop quoting from “Swingers” or any other Vegas movie except when I am out of town.

3) Same tourists will stop performing the $20 trick and will simply offer to tip for a better room.

4) Harrah’s will begin offering 2:1 Blackjack on all limits over $5.

5) The Imperial Palace buffet will become edible.

6) Steve Wynn will stop choking whores named Jamie. (You think I will let the news spike this one?)

7) I will become 40% accurate.

8) The Review Journal will investigate the corrupt relationship between Nevada Power and the Public Utilities Commission instead of getting construction workers fired for drinking a beer.

All of these goals are more plausible than the NFL thing.

For the two people on the Internet who haven’t already heard the story, Oscar “threw out” the idea that Cashman Field would be raised for an 80,000 seat stadium where the NFL would play every important game of the season.

This is one of those mainstream stories that sounds like something a 30% accurate blogger just made up:

http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2008/aug/12/80000-seat-football-stadium-mayors-wish-list/

I have absolutely no idea why Oscar Goodman is so obsessed with a professional sports team. He has been for years. The NBA thing fell through after the “fans” practically laid waste to the city, so now it’s the NFL.

I think Oscar has stopped drinking his trademarked gin, and has switched to a different substance. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, he probably just shouldn’t smoke up before a big meeting. There’s plenty of time to get baked afterward.

And if his shit is that good, the least he could do is share with the rest of us. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the local economy isn’t doing so well, and some people could use a good 8 hour vacation.

Again, I can count on one hand the number of people I personally know who want a professional sports team here. On the list of priorities for locals, a sports team probably ranks dead last. (”Annoying the shit out of Rex on a daily basis” ranks #1).

Simply put, nobody cares about this professional sports nonsense except Oscar.

Given the lack of public interest, I remain perplexed as to why he continues to pursue it ad-nauseum, but I wish he would just give it a rest.

There are far more important things to attend to than this damn NBA/NFL/MLB/NHL/Whoever will have us mission that the man is on.

Fix Neonopolis and Fremont East, rein in the LVMPD, fix the abhorrent public transit system, break the Nevada Power monopoly, arrest this guy, buy giant fucking air conditioners to cool the valley off in the summertime, just do something, anything that might remotely benefit the citizens of the Las Vegas Valley.

The professional sports team thing isn’t going to happen, and nobody wants it.

Get over it already.

Load up on gin, call up Steve Wynn, and go find some prostitutes to apprehend.

Apparently Steve has perfected some special hold that prevents them from getting away, even when they fight back.

If more people in positions of power in this town took up whore-choking as a hobby, the city would be a better place.

Drop the stadium, and pass the pipe …