I posted some live shots when I ate at the new BLT Burger at The Mirage last week, but never mentioned the place afterward.

This prompted more than a few “Well, how was it?” inquiries.

The answer is: I don’t really know.

I was too busy fantasizing about doing this chick doggy-style.

I should have gotten a side view. Two dimensional pictures just don’t do it justice. She had nice tits and was otherwise well-proportioned, and she had this bubble-shaped ass which my balls would bounce off of like a springboard … and they served hamburgers too.

You want to know what it tasted like?

It tasted like a hamburger.

I got the signature sandwich. The “BLT Burger” which was $13.

It was a fine tasting hamburger, certainly heads and shoulders above McDonald’s and Burger King, but let’s just be straight … there is only so much you can do with a hamburger. It tasted pretty much like every other “sit down restaurant” hamburger I have eaten. It’s ground beef, in a bun, with some other stuff in the middle.

If you are in the mood for a hamburger, then this is a fine place to obtain one.

I wouldn’t cab it from the Rio just to get one, but if you are already in the Mirage, and get a hamburger craving … then you will be perfectly satisfied.

Was it worth kicking the white tigers out to put this place in?

In my opinion, no.

From a visitor’s perspective, the white tigers were far more important to the Mirage than a burger joint.

But it is what it is.

In a departure from Las Vegas norms, the staff is actually very friendly. Probably because it hasn’t been open long enough for the staff to fully hone their customer hatred skills. When the waiter came to take our drink order, I told him with a straight face “I’ll take a bottle of white tiger piss.” and he didn’t flinch when he said “I’m sorry, we are currently out of that.” I had some laughs with the guy over the course of the meal, and he was affable and friendly enough.

I think they get so many “white tiger” comments, that they just humor people now and think “Yeah, yeah, hahahahhahahahahahaha, good one … nobody else besides YOU has mentioned the white tigers you fucking comedian you!”. They are aware of the history of the restaurant and they get the joke. They just don’t think it is funny after the 5,000th time someone orders something related to a white tiger.

In retrospect I would not have mentioned the white tigers, because the whole thing has already become tragically cliche’. I believe that a new unwritten law was recently passed in Vegas which states “Anyone who mentions white tigers in BLT Burger is a douchebag.”

I would be convicted.

Learn from my mistake, and spare yourself the rolled eyes.

I made friends as usual. Pam started in with her “Is this kosher?” shit (as she always does), so I pulled the tourist lady next to me into a conversation about Jews being the “chosen people” and asked her why she thought God always spoke to them. It turns out that the tourist lady was Catholic and informed me that God never spoke to her. I informed her that God spoke to Pam, and that it was obvious that she (the tourist) had chosen the wrong religion by going with Catholicism, and told her that God didn’t love her in the same way that he loved Pam.

See seemed fine with it responding with “That’s fine with me, I don’t need anyone else telling me what to do.”

I like cool tourists. We had a 2 minute conversation about religion (in a burger joint of all places) until I informed her that despite being chosen by the lord himself, Pam hadn’t been laid in 2 years (except by God , who doesn’t count because his penis is invisible) and was interested in some girl-on-girl action. She laughed, but was not interested in ending that drought.

I tried.

Make that two years and one day for Pam.

The female “hostesses” were quite friendly. I got the feeling that I could possibly finagle a handjob from one of them if I asked politely enough, but I had a full stomach and you are supposed to wait at least an hour after eating to splooge or else you might get cramps, so I played it safe.

Everything else was cool. They played music, mostly rock and pop hits of the 70’s and 80’s. The service was pretty fast, and the vibe was relaxed and pleasant enough … as one might expect from a novelty burger joint.

I might go back if I am in the Mirage and really want a burger.

Feel free to judge the atmosphere for yourself:

I still think the promotional signs located throughout the Mirage need some work: