The Hard Rock Poker Room
There are a lot of people here in town. The numbers this weekend rival Labor Day 2007. From a completely subjective observation, this may actually be the busiest weekend I have seen in damn near 12 months. It’s almost like the peak is back for Vegas, if only for a short time.
I’m sure we will take what we can get revenue-wise.
A few people have asked me about the Hard Rock Poker Room since it opened two weeks ago, so I hesitantly decided to go over there today and see what it was like.
Nothing against the poker room staff who were very pleasant, I just avoid the Hard Rock in general unless I am attending a gig there. I like “The Joint”, but the general hotel/casino crowd depresses me.
Irony hit me within 5 seconds of entering the place. The first thing I heard when I opened the front door and entered the air conditioning was Nirvana’s “In Bloom” blasting through the casino sound system. A couple of dudes in tank tops were bobbing their backward-hat-wearing heads to the song and mouthing the words, while the chicks with them were bopping along to the tune.
“Gee Rex, that hardly sounds ironic.”
I suppose it doesn’t, and it’s not a big deal. I only found it interesting because In Bloom was Kurt’s ode to posers.
The chorus is:
He’s the one
Who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
knows not what it means
when I say …
And I’ll be damned if people weren’t standing in the Hard Rock singing along to the pretty song.
Did they know what it meant? I’m guessing not.
Before you scream at me for being condescending, I didn’t write the song, nor did I say anything to anyone about it or harsh anyone’s buzz, but if you give it a moment’s thought … it is kind of funny.
It’s also kind of why I don’t like the Hard Rock. If they named it the “Frat House”, “Spring Break”, or something reasonably descriptive of the actual atmosphere, I would probably appreciate the place more.
Instead I get strange looks every time I go there because I don’t have a buzzcut, collegiate sports cap, and spray-on tan.
Seriously, how “Hard Rock” is this?
Were it true to its name, this would be the casino of choice for dirtbags everywhere (and I mean “dirtbag” in the most complimentary way), but instead the place really does cater to a very different crowd than one might expect.
Then again, the Luxor is hardly in Egypt, nor is Treasure Island inhabited by pirates … but they don’t really take those themes quite as seriously.
But I digress.
The place is what it is, and I always try to find something of value and entertaining in every property.
At the HR, it is tits and ass. Even though males outnumber females at least 3 to 1 on any given day, the female tail that is there is typically of better quality than say … Palace Station.
Some stiffness was achieved here and there.
The line for Rehab. It was completely insane.
Not only that, but they had security everywhere, including a police dog that went up and down the line sniffing for god knows what.
“Excuse me miss, our dog is wagging his tail from side to side which indicates that you have not douched in over 6 weeks.”
Maybe it actually is for the greater good.
The only thing worse than Al Qaeda is a smelly beaver.
Okay, so the Poker Room … how was it?
You wouldn’t believe what they do in that room.
They deal two cards face down to each player, then put 5 other cards face-up on the table. During the entire process, players are allowed to bet.
Novel concept, no?
One of the main reasons I stopped reviewing Poker Rooms in-depth, is because it was utterly pointless. There simply isn’t enough variance to make the hobby of reviewing rooms worthwhile. A Poker Room is a Poker Room. As long as someone doesn’t come out and hit me over the head with a baseball bat every time I muck my cards, I’m fine.
You never know what kind of table you are going to get, and the beverage servers, dealers, and players rotate. It’s a different experience every time. I’ve had great experiences and abysmal experiences in the same room on consecutive days. I tried my best to review the things, but as time went on, I realized that I was trying too hard to make something interesting … that simply wasn’t. Do the chairs have wheels, what color is the felt, are the TVs well-positioned … who cares?
Sure, there are some variations. Service varies, as does the rake, comfort and comps, but the game is the game.
The Excalibur is notable because it is a dramatic overhaul to the game, but the Hard Rock is pretty standard.
The room is about 50 feet from the Pink Taco, near the parking garage entrance and across the hall from the Sports Book. They have a podium out front, and they have an electronic list management system. There is a small bar/lounge next to the room where you can wait to have your name called. When your name is called, you play. There is a cashier in the back, and there are bathrooms beside the cashier counter (there is no “cage”, it is open). There are maybe 15 tables in there, TVs are on the wall, and the tables are of normal size.
It’s a very nice and comfortable room. Then again, every Poker Room in Las Vegas is pretty nice and comfortable … except when they get too crowded to move, like the Bellagio.
The competition was loose-touristy, which is what most people like. If you are fairly tight, you will probably get paid here, if you are loose, you will get action. Again, that is just based on today. It may be a rock garden tomorrow … rooms can’t enforce a playing style, and therefore rating a room’s players is very difficult.
Some places are notoriously loose or tight over the long-run, but this place hasn’t been open long enough to establish a record one way or the other.
Given the frat/trust fund nature of the Hard Rock clientele, I would imagine that the games will always be fairly loose, but if locals find it to their liking at some point, that may change.
It’s a fine room. It’s playable, comfortable, and the staff is very nice. I spoke to the cashier for about 10 minutes, and she was happy to tell me about the room. She said that it didn’t get crowded until well after 6pm, so she was kind of lonely behind the counter on her shift (which ended at 4pm). We talked about how long it had been open, the clientele, how she liked the job, etc.
She could not have been more pleasant.
If you are in the area, play the room. They don’t do anything bad to you. That’s about as ringing an endorsement as I can give to a room anymore. The floor doesn’t kick you in the balls on principle … so you can leave the athletic cup at home.
What more can you say about a place?
Hit play on the video at the top of the post, and get a quick look at what the room looks like.
What you see there is pretty much what you will get in person.
Go play some cards and have fun.
I’ve officially been there, and it has my blessing.
Not that it means anything …
P.S. Here are some construction photos, for those who are interested:
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