It was chaos, it was horrific, it was like 9/11 … only with no casualties … and lots of porn.

Driving west on Sahara, we noticed a cascade of leaflets blowing down the street like some kind of freak storm.

When we got in the midst of it, we were surrounded by paper boobies and bethonged butts.

I didn’t pull out my camera nearly quickly enough, because most of the densely flowing porn was well behind us by the time I got it out, but I did catch a small portion of it.

What kind of monster, what kind of criminal mastermind could have pulled off this horrific event?

As we got closer to the scene of the crime, it was apparent what had happened.

A titty terrorist had struck the twin porn racks with some kind of blunt object, releasing all of the fresh porn it contained onto the mean streets of Sahara Ave.

We will not forget Porn 11.

As a nation it is time for reflection.

We have to ask ourselves … how do we protect our porn in the future, and keep it safe from evildoers?

Collectively, we need to make sure that when we come to Las Vegas, we will know what number to dial to have hot Asian sluts delivered directly to our room.

As American citizens, we most show these porn terrorists that they have not won, and that business as usual will carry on.

My fellow Americans. On this sad day when those who wish to do us ill would strike our most treasured asset … porn … I ask you to join with me to send a clear message that they will not win.

If you love America (and we all do) come to Las Vegas immediately, and rent a whore.

They can take our porn, but they will never shake our resolve to bang women for money.

I thank you, and your country thanks you.