And it was all caught on video (press play above).

Here is how it went down …

I was flying into McCarran last night on a Boeing 737-700, and we were vectored to land on Runway 19L.

19L has no instrument guidance, so it would have to be a fully manual landing.

Just as we crossed Boulder Highway, the Captain had a heart attack.

Upon seeing this distressing sight, the co-pilot also immediately had a heart attack.

The two were close (perhaps too close?).

Anyway, a panicked announcement came over the speaker from the flight attendant.

“Does anyone know how to fly a plane??!!”

Being the heroic sort that I am, I stood up, and calmly strode to the cockpit.

I pulled the bodies of the two pilots out (don’t worry, they later made a full recovery at UMC), and I fastened myself into the captain’s seat.

I made an announcement to calm the passengers: “Fear not, a skilled pilot is now at the controls, and you will be enjoying your Las Vegas vacation in a few minutes!”

The timing was inappropriate to mention the hour wait at the cab stand. The passengers were nervous enough as it was.

I grabbed the yoke with my left hand, grabbed the throttle with my right hand (after scratching my nuts with it), and with the skill that I (and only I) have, brought the plane to a smooth and safe landing.

Applause could be heard upon touching down, and the entire cabin shouted “VegasRex! VegasRex!” in unison.

After I brought the plane to a full stop, the flight attendants lined up outside the cockpit to show me their gratitude with blow jobs.

Unfortunately, most of them were male, so I politely declined.

When I got off the plane, the CEO of American Airlines promptly strode up to me, extended his hand, and said “Sir, we forgot to charge you $15 for the luggage you checked, and we are going to have to charge you the first class fare since you rode in the front of the plane.”

So, that is the way it went down last night.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

If the video of the landing appears that it was recorded in Microsoft Flight Simulator X on maximum realism settings, it is because the passenger who recorded my landing did so with a camera of inferior quality.

Oh yeah, and they re-built the Stardust yesterday, but demolished it again today.

Those wacky real estate tycoons.