Is there anything that screams “Las Vegas!” louder than athletes and former athletes getting into trouble?

I think not.

Just this year we have Pacman at the Minxx, O.J. at Palace Station, and now Dennis “I Porked Madonna” Rodman at the Hard Rock smacking asses and taking names.

A former beverage manager at the Hard Rock Hotel has sued Dennis Rodman, claiming the ex-NBA star assaulted her last year by rubbing against her body and slapping her on the buttocks. (You mean we’re NOT allowed to do that?)

In her federal lawsuit filed last week, Sara Robinson also accuses her former employer of retaliating against her after she complained about Rodman’s behavior. (Apparently, Dennis is not a big tipper.)

In her complaint, Robinson said she was working in the resort’s Cuba Libre bar in March 2006 when Rodman, a hotel guest, began “making a scene” by trying to climb atop the bar after failing to gain her full attention.

“As Robinson stepped around the bar, Rodman grabbed her, pulled her towards him and rubbed his body against hers,” the lawsuit alleges. “Robinson tried to get free from Rodman’s grasp at which time he assaulted her by reaching down and slapping her open-handed on the bottom.” (I hereby offer my investigative services to the defense if they can provide me pictures of EXACTLY where she was struck by Dennis. Preferably a picture taken while wearing high heels.)

The complaint, which seeks unspecified damages, claims that Robinson was fired after she filled out a voluntary statement detailing Rodman’s actions in a subsequent incident at the same bar the next month in which he is also accused of causing a scene. (After all that, she worked another Dennis event? I don’t mean to sound skeptical … well … yes, yes I do.)

Rodman, 46, is no stranger to lawsuits in Las Vegas. In 2001, a state jury awarded former Mirage craps dealer James Brasich $80,000 in a case against Rodman. (After Rodman repeatedly slapped the guy on the ass while shouting “Who’s the Stick Man now, Bitch?”)

Brasich said Rodman humiliated him by rubbing dice on his head, chest, stomach and genitals during an October 1997 craps game. (You mean that’s NOT how craps is played? I’m soooo steering clear of the Mirage for awhile ….)

Folks, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times … if you have money … lots and lots of money … don’t rub dice on people’s genitals and smack them on the ass.

It’s good advice. Take it.

Was this guy drunk enough to pay $300 to hit that?

Apparently not.

After taking a little stroll down The Strip this weekend, I noticed a few working girls making sure there would be presents under their tree next month.

And what better place to hawk one’s wares than at P-Ho?

By the way, her name is “Sweet Chocolate” and she’ll remove her tongue ring for an extra $20.

Don’t ask me how I know …

When I saw this Strip boutique mannequin in the middle of a costume change this weekend, all kinds of perverted thoughts ran through my head.

Face in in the crotch?

Doggystyle grind from behind?

The possibilities were endless.

While I was contemplating how I was going to take advantage of this situation, a perfectly normal looking woman stepped right up to the mannequin, and grabbed her boob while her companion took a photo (a photo which I piggybacked on). She strode up just as nonchalantly as could be, like this was an every day occurrence, and grabbed the plastic tit. Like she has been grabbing plastic tits all her life.

As a matter of fact, this lady had grabbing plastic tits down to an art form.

Thank the mother of all things merciful, despite cries to the contrary, it’s not just me!

There is another person in this world that wants to molest a naked mannequin!

For the second time this week, I feel vindicated.

Chris and the band really set the place off tonight.

Arguably the hardest and filthnastiest gig I have seen Chris do since the 90’s. It was that damn good.

Because of the holiday weekend, the Pearl Theater was only about half full … if that, and this was Cornell’s last stop on the North American Tour (before heading to South America). Despite the lower-than-usual turnout, and probable burnout from 6 straight months of touring, Cornell and the band did a 2 1/2 hour set, and totally massacred the place.

I actually thought this show was much better than the show he did at The HOB last May, and that show was incredible. This time there was much more crowd interaction, more enthusiasm, more jam sessions, just more of everything. He was a little more tentative with the crowd at the May show, but this time he showed appreciation throughout.

At one point a crowd member passed Chris a sheet of paper with the name of a song written on it, and the band took a couple of minutes to switch out gear and play it (the song was “Loud Love”). There was significantly more interaction with the crowd, and instead of running off stage like he did after the HOB show, toward the end of this gig, Cornell hung around the stage for some hand slaps at the rail, lots of “thank you’s”, and just some good vibe-ing with the crowd. Chris actually seemed to be having a lot more fun himself during this show than at the May gig. Much more loose, relaxed, and just in a better mood in general.

The overall “feel” of this show was just much better, as there was a real connection going on between the music and everyone in the theater.

Also, instead of sitting in the back and providing the soundtrack for Chris, the band was a larger part of the show and they really pushed the limits … jumping around, tearing strings off of guitars, breaking microphone stands … this was as close as I have ever gotten to 1994 since the turn of the century, and probably is as close as I will ever get again.

While the lead singer was the name on the ticket, this was a real band going off on stage.

For one night “Grunge” (if that is what the media insists on calling it) was awakened like a rabid elephant from a deep sleep, and tore up everything in sight.

Chris also went deep on his new material (the solo album has some great songs), and while those tunes were typically more “mellow” than the 90’s stuff, they complimented the “heavier” stuff, and the mix of old and new was almost perfect.

The crowd was great. It was small, but everyone there was rabid. Almost like a club gig 15 years ago. Everyone knew every song, and was jumping around and shouting as loud as they could. Thankfully, the crowd was extremely hardcore.

I think I am still hoarse from shouting the opening chorus to “Hungerstrike” at the top of my lungs as Chris panned the mic out into the audience.

My calves are starting to feel the burn from leaping into the air during the transitions on “Doesn’t Remind Me”. My arms are starting to feel the fatigue of 2+ hours of fist-pumping. I don’t want to even think of the damage that was done to my hearing.

There was no crowd surfing or stage diving like there was back in the day (I’m pretty sure we are all too old now), but the decibel level from the crowd was as loud as I have heard from a fully packed arena.

As soon as the encore ended, I got the set list from the bottom of Chris’ mic stand (picture above). Of course, I also got a pick.

They ended up playing past “Slaves” and did a 5 minute jam transition into a cover of Led Zeps “Whole Lotta Love” to end the show.

12 hours later, and I am currently completely deaf in my left ear, and my right ear is ringing.

I am awestruck at how they pulled this one off in 2007, but I seriously doubt they can do it again. No offense to the band whatsoever, but they left it all on the stage last night. Every last ounce. Chris looked like he was about to drop at the end. I simply cannot conceive of a scenario in which they could top this show. I know that everyone says this about “their” show, but sitting back and thinking about it objectively, I really mean it.

I have no idea how they could even come close to a gig like this again.

If you were in town, and missed this show … then all I can do is offer my condolences. I don’t think there is any chance that we are ever going to see one like this again in our lifetimes.

So it’s “Thanksgiving”, and I don’t celebrate “Thanksgiving”.

I never understood the point of the thing.

I am not more thankful for things than I was yesterday, and I will be no less thankful for things tomorrow than I am today.

Someone completely pulled this “Holiday” out of their ass. And they had the good sense to make it coincide with some supposed (and probably bogus) event where a bunch of Native Americans fed our nation’s founders … shortly before we mercilessly slaughtered them, took their land, and named a bunch of crappy sports teams after them.

It really is a beautiful story.

But I still don’t celebrate it.

What I do, is take advantage of the people that do celebrate it.

In the weeks preceding holidays like “Thanksgiving” and “Christmas”, hotel rooms are dirt cheap, traffic is light, buffet lines are short, ride lines are short (heck, all lines are short). half-priced (and sometimes free) shows are easy to come by … and it’s just a great time of year to take in attractions without a pesky wait. I’m actually very active on The Strip in November and December, because everyone else is at the shopping malls draining their wallet because they have been told that going into debt pleases Jesus.

To each his/her own …

This morning I got my kids into the Adventuredome at Circus Circus the minute it opened, and they got to ride 3 times as many rides in the same amount of time as a regular day, due to the lack of lines. After a few hours there, I took off down The Strip to see what was happening.

At about 4pm, traffic really started kicking in as the no-longer-thankful started beating a path to their respective casinos. The next 3 1/2 days are going to be packed, but starting Monday we should hit another lull until the New Years Weekend, when all hell will once again break loose.

For those of you celebrating whatever it is you are celebrating, I hope you enjoyed it.

Those damn Indians had it coming with their smug “we know how to plant corn and you don’t” attitude, and it’s only right that we continue to show them who is boss by eating turkey, swilling beer, and watching football.

Imagine if those bastards had won. We’d be watching some crude game consisting of pebble-throwing between teams named the “Detroit Pale Skins” and the “Green Bay Wifebeaters”.

And that certainly wouldn’t be any fun at all.

Wait, what was my point?

Oh yeah … I got some construction photos of the Fontainebleau (above), Encore (below), and The Palazzo (below) today.

Seriously, I hope that everyone has a safe and happy 4 day weekend.