Four people are dead after a violent weekend in Southern Nevada. All were found dead in separate crimes and there are still no suspects. (I suspect Celine.)

Since early Saturday morning, there have been two shootings, a stabbing and one woman found dead - how she died is still a mystery. (This fate is a well-known side effect of Celine concerts.)

It all started here in a Northwest Las Vegas neighborhood early Saturday morning. Police say a man was sleeping when someone came in and shot him twice in the head. (He was seen talking on his cellphone during a Celine concert earlier that night. Coincidence?)

The second shooting happened early Sunday morning inside a 7-11 store near Maryland Parkway and Desert Inn. (Celine likes Slurpees. Coincidence?)

Metro says the victim, a man in his mid-twenties, was playing slots. That’s when the shooter walked right up to the door, leaned in and began shooting, hitting the victim at least eight times. (The man was wearing an “I Love Barbara Streisand” t-shirt. Come on people … connect the dots here!)

Just a few streets East, and less than 24 hours before that, homicide detectives arrived at Arizona Charlie’s on Boulder Highway. That’s where they found a woman dead inside a hotel room, face down, naked and few clues left behind. (A person was once found face down and naked in Canada. Coincidence?)

“The perpetrator seemed like they went through some measures to conceal whatever evidence that was there,” said Metro Sgt. William Scott. (Talent is concealed at a Celine concert. Coincidence?)

Earlier that morning, more crime tape surrounded a home in North Las Vegas where officers found a man in his 30’s stabbed to death. (Probably self-inflicted when the wife came home with Celine tickets)

So far this year, there have been 86 homicides in the Las Vegas area; that’s compared to 95 on this same day last year. (Compared to 2 before Celine started her run at Caesar’s. Coincidence?)

If you see Celine Dion, a Celine sympathizer, someone in the Axis of Celine, a weapon of Mass Celine, or someone taking pictures of anything … you are urged to call Crime Stoppers at 385-5555.