I have been to most types of shows in Las Vegas at one time or another. Showgirls, Cirque, Impersonators, Broadway, Concerts, Comedy … and my personal favorite … the gratuitous tits and ass shows.

However, for some reason I have never checked out one of the Las Vegas hypnosis shows. I don’t know why. I think I assumed they were rigged, so I just steered clear.

Until last night.

Now, with me, nothing goes off without a hitch. I hopped on my Vespa to get to the Empire Ballroom early, and (I assume due to the excessive heat), my air-cooled scooter engine seized on the The Strip. Just completely seized up. I am about to give up riding a bike in this town, because the summer heat eats bike engines for lunch.

So I pushed my scooter back home, made some calls to see if I could get it fixed immediately, and found out the answer was: Not only no, but hell no! Great.

But I digress …

At 10:30pm I jumped in a cab and headed back to the Empire Ballroom. I arrived just in time for the 11pm showing of Hypnosis Gone Wild. The Strip was unusually crowded for a Tuesday Night.

I was not quite sure what to expect. About 20 years ago I saw a hypnosis entertainment show, but it was relatively tame. Cluck like a chicken, bark like a dog … you get the idea.

But this is Las Vegas, and this was hypnosis “gone wild”. Surely I would get more than a person barking like a dog. Right?

Yes, yes I did.

My friends, I watched a grown man teach a teddy bear how to masturbate.

Is this a great town or what?

But let’s back up a bit.

Terry Stokes (the hypnotist) starts out the show with some improv comedy. And it’s pretty funny. He went up to a table, asked a lady what she was drinking, “Rum and Coke” was her reply, so Stokes immediately picked up her glass, and proceeded to chug the full glass in about three seconds. He then set the empty glass back in front of her and walked away. She seemed stunned, but that was the point.

I personally couldn’t help but think of how funny it would have been if her date had dropped some roofies into her drink, but that apparently didn’t happen, as Stokes remained conscious throughout the duration of the show.

After about 10 minutes of comedy, the hypnosis part began. Being the cynical bastard I am, I assumed that the audience was full of shills. This would not be unheard of in Las Vegas Shows (see: Bite). However, when he asked for volunteers, he picked people who were in line with me, and who I had spoken to (I later saw them walking down The Strip). Also, most of them were part of large groups. If these people were shills, then the whole show was put on for me personally, as the people onstage were connected with half the members of the audience in one way or another.

I’m almost positive that everyone was an actual volunteer, and I was surprised at the number of people who wanted to be hypnotized. Stokes took several minutes to pick about 10 volunteers, and then began the process of hypnotizing them.

The audience had to shut up, soothing music was played, and it took 2 minutes to put the volunteers under, but there were a couple of people who did not go under, or who did not go completely under. I later found out that this was normal. Nobody goes into the exact same state of hypnosis, and that has to be taken into consideration when you ask them to do something. Several people, however, were completely under the spell … or whatever the correct term is.

Now, I know your first question. Do the chicks get naked? Unfortunately not. I actually think this guy is wasting a portion of his talent. If I possessed his particular skill, I would have 10 naked chicks on the stage going down on each other, with perhaps some kind of gelatin product involved.

But it doesn’t get quite that wild. The chicks stay dressed. I at least wanted to see tits. But I suppose that is my only complaint.

What did ensue was pretty damn funny. One dude that looked like JJ Walker from Good Times was convinced that he was Garth Brooks, and was happy to perform a concert. Another guy was convinced that his name was “Dickhead”. He referred to himself as “Dickhead” throughout the show with a completely straight face. Dickhead was convinced that he had lost his penis, screamed, then went looking for it in the audience. As the show was going on, the JJ Walker dude (who was really deep into it) was going through his cellphone contact list informing people that he had changed his name to “Cindy” because it made him feel pretty. Keep in mind that this was a black guy calling his homies back in Atlanta and insisting that they call him “Cindy”. I’m pretty sure he’s getting shot in a few days.

Another guy could not move his feet. But if he said “fuck me”, he was able to move his right foot one step. If he said “in the ass”, he was able to move his left foot one step. It was hilarious watching him stumble back to his seat alternating each step with “fuck me” … “in the ass”. He had to say it about 10 times to get back to his seat. And you could tell that the hypnotized volunteers thought nothing of it, because never once did they laugh at themselves. How can you do that with a straight face???

Stokes was also able to make most of the subjects have orgasms when he shook their hand. One lady practically went nuts and made all kinds of weird faces during her orgasm. I highly suspect that her husband will only do her doggy-style, because the look on her face would make Ron Jeremy run screaming from the room.

Another guy, convinced that Stokes was cutting him, stuck bandages all over his face, and the poor bastard even had them covering his eyes by the end of the show.

There were too many suggestions to name, but I was laughing my ass off for most of the routine. I don’t think that I have ever sincerely laughed out loud at any show as much as I did at this show. The suggestions, while not involving nudity (dammit), were very vulgar, and sufficiently politically incorrect to hold my attention.

There were some suggestions that didn’t take, but this actually added some authenticity to the show. If everyone had done everything that was suggested to them, then I would have been crying foul. If it’s too perfect, it’s probably rigged. The fact that there were some miscues, and misunderstandings from the subjects, made it clear that these were regular people doing unusual things that not even they fully understood.

For instance, one guy was told that his name was “Pepper”, but he understood it to be “Pecker” … it was an accident, but it was funny. And Stokes just couldn’t manage to convince one woman that her vagina was talking … but this was the same woman who had the horrible orgasm face. Some things stuck, some didn’t, but the unpredictability was part of what kept you on the edge of your seat. Would they, or wouldn’t they do as they were told … it wasn’t a given that they always would, but when they did, it was very funny.

For me, the funniest part of the show was when the subjects were un-hypnotized and left the stage. They were each implanted with a subtle post hypnotic suggestion, and then released from the spell. Everything appeared to be perfectly normal and the subjects received warm applause as they returned to their seats.

Then Stokes started talking about general things. For instance, he informed us that in July, the show would be leaving the Empire Ballroom, and would be setting up for a run at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay. He talked to the audience about some DVD’s, practical applications for hypnosis, and some general chit-chat.

Then, out of nowhere he simply said the word “Cowboy”.

JJ Walker jumped out of his seat at the table, began smacking his ass, and started screaming “Who’s your Daddy?!” Dickhead then jumped out of his seat, ran over to JJ, smacked JJ’s ass and screamed “I’m your Daddy!”.

This was repeated about 5 times at random, and I was laughing so hard it hurt. The guys doing it didn’t laugh, though. They had deadpan expressions. They were completely serious. And after each episode, they genuinely looked confused as to why they were having these homo-erotic episodes.

JJ is also the guy that taught a teddy bear how to masturbate.

JJ is soooo getting shot when he gets home.

Anyway, I had a really good time at this show. One caveat is that you really do have to have a sense of humor, possibly a really fucked up sense of humor. You have to be politically incorrect, and you can’t worry about proooofaaaannniteeee. This was not a problem for me. However, if you are even remotely the type of person who might take offense by a strange man rummaging through your purse looking for his lost penis … then stay far, far away from this show.

For the rest of you sick bastards, which I suspect is most of you, I think you would enjoy this show. Due to the highly variable nature of this type of thing, I am sure that some shows are better than others. When you are working with unknown audience members, there is always the possibility of a particular show being a flop. However, the audience is large enough that there is bound to be at least a few good people at each one. I like the fact that each show is a completely original show with different people each time. It is not a scripted show that can be reviewed per-se. There is no script. As a matter of fact, Stokes allows audience members to request tasks for the subjects. Nobody has seen the same show, which is rare for a Vegas Show … or any show for that matter. The show you see is your custom show that nobody else has, or will ever see. That’s very cool.

Now, if only I could convince Terry Stokes to get rid of that no nudity clause …