I always look forward to the end of the day. Why? Because that is when I sit down to read my daily batch of hate mail. Hate mail is my favorite mail, because it’s usually pretty funny, and humor puts me in a good mood.
I know what you are saying to yourself … “How could anyone hate VegasRex???!!!”
Well, the fact is that they do. Lots of people. More people than you could possibly imagine. And it’s almost always for the same reason.
Here is a hate mail from yesterday, plucked at random (all identifying info has been stripped):
“I enjoyed your web site[was reading with my wife] When you started using the F–K word we immediately stopped. As well I wont be reading any site that recommends you”
Tell me with a straight face that this stuff is not fun to read.
Forget about the typos, spell-checking is for people with OCD.
The funny thing is that the guy typed “F–K”, as if leaving out the “u” and the “c” somehow makes the word indecipherable, and somehow more morally acceptable.
And how much do you want to bet that this guy not only holds a valid permit to operate a motor vehicle, but he also votes. This is the shit that keeps me awake at night.
So, instead of repeating myself in private email ad-nauseum, let me go ahead and write a massive reply to all of you out there emailing me about the same thing over and over. It should save you time, and you can thank me later.
Here’s the deal. Ready? Now sit down, because it may come as a shock.
You sitting?
Are you sure?
Okay, here goes …
There is no such thing as “profanity”.
It doesn’t exist. It never did exist. “Bad words” are the Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause of the English Language.
Okay, so you may not personally like certain words. That is your right.
There are a lot of words and sounds that I don’t like. Does that make them “bad”?
To me, everything sung by Barbara Streisand is offensive. Does that make it obscene?
Well, in this case, yes it does. But that’s not the point.
The point is that I am stunned at the number of grown adults that still believe in the “bad word” myth.
So, exactly, why do I say “Fuck”? That seems to be an oft-asked question.
Like it or not, it is the kick-off-your-shoes, casual, adjective/descriptor/expressive word of our time. Everyone expresses themselves differently. Sometimes I use the Queen’s English, and sometimes I use Eddie Murphy’s English. I’m a big boy now. I get to make those decisions for myself. IMHO, I’ve earned the right to say “fuck”. So has everyone else.
It’s so common it’s hardly even a profanity to grandmothers anymore. Half the poker rooms I play in have even relaxed those dopey “profanity” rules as long as you don’t jump up and down on the table screaming them.
Words by themselves are neutral.
“Hey Herman, it’s fucking great to see you!”
“Dammit Herman, you’re a real fucking piece of work!”
Same word. One used in a flattering way, one used the opposite.
If Herman has more than two neurons, Herman knows the score. He doesn’t focus on a single word like a laser-beam.
Even from an early age, I never understood the concept of “bad words”. I wasn’t taught about them … nobody cared. We had real shit to do … like find money for food and rent.
When I was growing up “fucking” was interchangeable with “very”. And nobody batted an eye when it was uttered. Nobody took offense. Therefore, the word was not offensive. You have to be bored enough to give a word power over you to be offended by it. And apparently many people out there are bored. Very bored.
It was not until later that I realized just how mentally free we were compared with the rest of the population who was at the very time, wringing their hands over alphabet combinations.
This is an indisputable fact: No particular combination of vowels and consonants has ever directly been shown to cause cancer, diabetes, anal warts, the common cold, or any disease or ailment whatsoever in any human being …. or any living thing.
So really, how bad could they be? What’s the bid deal?
The big deal is that everyone in the world has been brainwashed to one degree or another. There are no exception to this rule, and no person alive has ever been exempt from being brainwashed. I am brainwashed, you are brainwashed, we are all brainwashed. Brainwashing is necessary to ensure the survival of mankind, lest we all think for ourselves and let anarchy reign. We have to believe certain things, or else other people would lose the ability to control us.
If you join any moderated message board, and use a “bad” word, then you are usually kicked off. Say it on TV, you are fined. It’s a means of control. And that’s all it is. Bad words are necessary … to control people. That’s the sole reason for their existence. To make sure you meet a preconceived cultural norm (so much for “tolerance”).
One of the easiest and most resilient forms of brainwashing is the concept of “bad” words. Why are they bad? Who made them bad? Don’t ask. It doesn’t matter. The only thing you need to know is that they are, indeed, bad. Very, very bad. They just are. Because someone said so. Who said so is irrelevant. The fact is that someone, somewhere said they were bad… and quite logically that makes it so. Don’t think for yourself. It’s futile.
Much like it is a fact that you will get hairy palms by masturbating, it is also a fact that you will grow a third nipple by questioning the “badness” of a word.
But wait, how can the Hoover Dam not be an obscenity? Why is “luck” okay when it is one mere letter away from the worst of the worst ….. “fuck” … or “the F bomb”? How can these similar sounding words be allowed to stand? Well, that’s due to “the loophole”. “The loophole” was invented by the same person or people who made a list of “bad” words. The loophole states that a bad word that refers to something non-bad, or simply sounds like a bad word is exempt from being “bad”. Therefore “Damn” doesn’t cause cancer if you say “Hoover” in front of it, and if you spell it differently when written. Makes perfect sense, no?
100 years ago children had their mouths washed out for saying words such as “Balderdash”. Now we have a board game from Milton Bradley by the same name. 100 years from now, “Shit” will be the name of a child’s toy. Mark my words.
“Pussy” used to mean “cat”, “Ass” used to mean “Donkey” (it’s even in the bible), “Dick” used to mean “Richard”, “Bitch” used to mean “female dog”, “Gay” used to mean “happy”, and “Cunt” used to mean … well … “Cunt”. But you get my point.
Words only have the power that you give them. No more, no less. If you give the word “shit” some high and exalted power over your very being, then that is a personal choice that you make. It’s not my problem.
I’d rather someone call me a fucking asshole than tell me nicely that they don’t like me. The latter seems much more personal.
I have always found the word “shampoo” to be ridiculous (just think about it). So what if someone declared tomorrow that ’shampoo” was a bad word. Would that make any sense? Would you go along with it? Would you begin recoiling in horror when someone used the word “shampoo”?
All “bad” words are similarly made-up.
Penn and Teller did an episode of their Showtime Series “Bullshit!” which actually debunks the myth of “bad words” rather well.
And now, the new Internet fad is to type “bad” words without actually typing them. We’ve all seen them, f*ck, s&^t, etc. These words are less bad because they do not contain the requisite characters to make them “bad”, while maintaining the original meaning of the “bad” word.
Can you believe that a fully grown adult would substitute asterisk for a “u”, and honestly think it somehow changes anything? Apparently the shock of actually seeing the “u” instead of implying the “u” necessitates the alteration. Oh give me a motherfucking break!
“Bad words” are a bunch of psychobabble that have been programmed into your brain, and anyone with an IQ even near the triple digits should be able to overcome the programming by age 30.
Cast off the shackles of years of brainwashing as to the categorization of character combinations as “bad”, stop giving these words any personal meaning to your life, consider them simply adjectives and/or expressions, and worry about something more important, like world hunger or why Britney Spears keeps flashing her twat to the paparazzi.
Life is full of all kinds of bad shit. Short letter combinations isn’t one them.
Every day, in any situation, I will take a good person who cusses like a sailor, over a bad person who won’t utter a “bad word”.
There is no Santa Claus, there is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no “Bad Word”. It’s all in your head.
Somebody had to break it to you … and I always strive to be of service.
And last, but certainly not least, a few people actually wrote in to complain about this picture.
Folks, this is Las Vegas. I apologize if I have confused you, because you are apparently looking for this link.
I hope this lengthy post finally answers your questions.
But please, by all means, keep the hate mail coming. Just hate me for more interesting reasons. The “you said a bad word” emails are starting to dampen my hate mail enthusiasm.
I had a pretty lousy day yesterday, and was in a pretty lousy mood to go along with it.
