The 2007 Miss America Pageant is being held tonight at the large casino with the eternal identity crisis, “The Aladdin Hotel and Casino” a/k/a “The Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino” a/k/a “Who The Hell Are We? For The Love Of All That Is Good In The World, Won’t Somebody Please Tell Us Who We Are!” Hotel And Casino.

It will be televised nationally tonight on the “Country Music Television” channel. What does a beauty pageant have to do with country music? I have no idea. Maybe one of them plays the banjo during the talent portion of the competition.

But here is the interesting thing … tickets are currently on sale to the general public. That means that I, personally, can walk right up to the Aladdin box office and actually sit in the audience of this thing.

And I have to tell you, part of me is tempted to hop over to there to to view this spectacle just out of sheer and utter morbid curiosity. I want to see if the contestants bitch-slap each other during commercial breaks. I want to see if Mario Lopez convinced Screech and Zach to make special guest appearances.

The other part of me realizes that I would spend good money to be bored to tears, and when I am bored, I would certainly start making trouble by shouting inappropriate comments like “Show us your tits!”. How many people can say that they have been thrown out of the Miss America Pageant?!

I’m also pretty sure that there is a “no masturbation” rule at the pageant, which would completely render the experience pointless.

On second thought, maybe I’ll just save my money and Tivo the thing so I can fast-forward to the swimsuit competition and be done with it.

But if you are in town, buying a ticket to this thing might be a good way to sleep off a drunken stupor. You may even see yourself on TV passed out in the 15th row. So make sure to tape the thing.

Seeing yourself slumped over and drooling on National TV is one of the most unique Las Vegas souvenirs you are likely to get (besides gonorrhea).