So a big story here is that the nation’s largest Master[bation] Planned Community is upset because the FAA wants to start routing some commercial airline flights to the north, instead of along the usual southern departure route. The FAA’s plan is intended to reduce departure delays and increase flight capacity at McCarran.

And the city is spending about half a million dollars to fight it, on behalf of Summerlin residents, Lakes Residents, and a few other west side enclaves.

Why?

Because they are fucking bored. If you lived in Summerlin, you would be bored too. Measuring your neighbor’s grass with a ruler every day to make sure it is not in violation of “HOA Rules” can only fill up so much of your day, so you really do need another cause to fill the rest of the daylight hours.

So, why not rage against an airplane flying 5,000 feet overhead? You know, that thing that you need binoculars and an ultra-sensitive microphone to even perceive.

The only reason that Summerlin exists in the first place, is due to the existence of the nation’s 5th busiest airport that sits about 10 miles to it’s southeast. Without that airport, and the people it brings in, not only would the people of Summerlin have no jobs, but neither would their homes be of any appreciable value whatsoever.

Not that I think they are worth too terribly much now. Just think, for six hundred thousand dollars or more, you can buy a glorified townhouse that looks like every other cluster house in the neighborhood that sits on .07 acres of land, with beautiful views of your neighbor’s bathroom so you can watch them take a dump 8 feet from your bedroom window. Sweet.

And not only that, but you get to pay huge HOA fees to make sure your neighbor gets fined for getting a bad haircut, and you get to pay a special “Summerlin Surcharge” for the privilege of saying you live in Summerlin. Cool! Sounds like a dream come true.

But wait, the dream is about to become a nightmare.

You see, apparently unaware of the little annoyances that actually living in a populated area brings, Summerlin residents never figured out that part of living in a semi-large city … was the fact that things actually happen. Such as, I dunno, airplanes flying overhead. I mean, really, who knew?

I guess the “Master” who “Planned” the “Community” figured air travel to be a passing fad.

If anything, the residents of Summerlin should get down on their hands and knees and kiss the hairy scrotum of whoever is trying to get more people through the airport. Or did they think the 4 lane highway in and out of Las Vegas was more than enough for 40 million visitors and potential home buyers per year?

I live less than 2 miles from the threshold of a McCarran runway. Planes land and depart over my head all day long. These planes are at best, 1,000 feet overhead by the time they get to me. For crying out loud, the Hard Rock Hotel is right at the end of one runway, and the planes fly within a half-mile of the Mandalay Bay, and last time I checked, those rooms weren’t cheap. If I don’t actually watch or listen for the planes, I wouldn’t notice them. And I am actually close. I can’t even possibly imagine how unnoticeable these planes would by by the time they got to Summerlin.

Las Vegas is an island in a vast sea of dirt. McCarran is the vessel that brings people to the city, and it is by far the most important single entity to the success of this town, of which Summerlin is part.

And if the mere protest of this non-event wasn’t absurd enough, the latest argument that was trotted out last week just goes to show how utterly fucked in the head certain members of our town have become.

Instead of just a “nuisance”, supposedly this new flight plan is also a “security threat”. Yes, you heard me right … it’s a “security threat”. According to some residents, Summerlin really is JUST THAT IMPORTANT. Apparently, some guys in a cave with walkie-talkies are rabidly determined to take it out.

And what does this say of one of the fastest growing cities in the nation … Henderson. That place must be a complete and utter shithole as they have been in the shadows of McCarran’s two main runway’s for decades, yet has continued to grow and property values have continued to rise.

But they aren’t important enough to be a security threat. Why? I dunno. Ask a Summerlin resident. Your best chance of finding an uncaged Summerlin resident is at a pee-wee soccer field as they cheer on hopelessly uncoordinated Shitney and Bratford while yapping to other parents about how great their sprog is at [insert useless talent here].

Seriously, these “I’m scared of airplane folks” made more sense when they were simply policing the weeds in their neighbor’s yard.