What could be easier than forecasting the weather in the desert?

Forecasting a fart in a Taco Bell?

Every day this summer the local weatherbimbo/wannabe comedian indicated a “20% Chance of Showers or Thunderstorms”. Twenty percent? Gee, don’t go out on a limb there.

This way, when we get nothing, they are right, and when we do get something, they are right.

What kind of “forecast” is that?

Every day, it’s the same percentage. One fifth. That’s not a forecast, that’s a cover-your-asscast.

I can make that forecast. I don’t need a frigging “Meteorologist” to tell me that it probably won’t rain in the desert today, but there is a small chance that it may.

Honestly, does ANYONE need to be told this?

Fire these useless turds and lower my cable bill.

Last July, I wrote down the “forecast” as offered by our local Fox Channel 5.

Here it is, and no, I am not shitting you:

Forecast as of today (Sunday):

KVVU Forecast
Today: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.
Monday: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.
Monday Night: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.
Tuesday Night: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.
Wednesday: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.
Wednesday Night: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.
Thursday: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.
Thursday Night: Chance of thunderstorms 20 percent.

Is this worth a rat shit to absolutely anyone, anywhere?

Gee, we were in monsoon season, and there was a slight chance that it *might* rain on any given day. Wow. Who would have thought?

That’s right, for the next SEVEN days the chance of Thunderstorms was EXACTLY 20% each day. Not 10%, not 30%, but 20%.

Every day. Every night.

If it rains, they are right. If it doesn’t, they are right.

Thank goodness they sprung for that Doppler radar thing. And hey, it only takes 72 Viagra commercials daily to pay for it.

Just this past weekend, I once again had the displeasure to watch the fore(skin)cast on Channel 8 this time. And over Monday and Tuesday they had “Rain/Snow?” overlaid. Yes, with a QUESTION MARK!

Question mark? Why the question mark? Why are you asking ME if it is going to rain on Monday. YOU’RE the fucking “Meteorologist”, you tell me. If I have to tell you, I want to be on the payroll. By the way, it didn’t rain on Monday or Tuesday, so they were “right” as usual.

On the off chance that any Las Vegas weather people read this , I would like to formally declare that you suck. I mean really, really suck. You are worthless, and you suck. You are on corporate welfare courtesy of your “news” channel.

And you don’t have some wuss 20% chance of sucking. There is no question mark that you suck. There is a 100% chance that you suck.

There, someone had to say it.